she’s a woman.
and also informal.
she’s sad because she misses her mom who isn’t even dead yet.
she’s sad because she is afraid everyone will die
she’s excited to potentially die before everyone else so she doesn’t have to feel loss.
she likes forms that help people get closer to their feelings
not just sad feelings but also uplifting ones and inspiring ones.
she wants people to get to that place where they are like “woah what the fuck, I can do that! I really can!”.
so she uses bureaucratic techniques to bring out big ideas in humans.
so sometimes she looks corporate.
like in the way she dresses.
and in the clipboards she handles.
but then when you read the words you realize she’s a little different.
she’s concerned with economy.
because she used to not know what that word meant
like when she was a person in school who didn’t want to sound dumb.
and then one day she woke up and realized that economy was everything.
like that it simply meant “exchange”.
which is everything.
like saying “oh, hello” to someone else.
and then listening to the someone else say, “why, hello” back.
like one egg for a cup of sugar.
economy is basic.
and that’s when she became obsessed with economy.
and started to hate the idea of feeling intimidated by economy.
because it was all so natural in social life.
like all sorts of lifeforms engage in economies.
because they help each other.
give and take and give and take.
and then she realized that everyone was just thinking there was one way to do economy.
like the education to the job to the money route.
so she started to get mad that everyone thought there was only one way.
and that one way started with higher education.
which actually costs a lot of freaking money.
like so much money that little ants laugh at what we do.
like so much money that big hairy aliens laugh at what we do.
and like so much money that deep sea eyeball creatures laugh at what we do.
we all follow along thinking we need all of these institutions in our lives to pass time.
we need to pass time.
and so then everyone thinks it’s ok to start taking out these things called loans.
and acquiring this thing called debt.
which is all just managed by another institution.
like we all think that this is all normal and ok.
But really it’s a big scam.
and even all of the creatures are laughing at us.
because after we get this higher education that is supposed to get us a job.
we can’t get a job.
or maybe we can get a job but it’s not the job we fantasized about.
so it’s not the job we fantasized about because it either sucks like woah.
or doesn’t pay us the money to pay the institution.
so we have to work it anyways or work it plus serve home fries with ketchup.
because we have to pay back our loans.
we have to pay back our DEAD.
I mean our DEBT.
we have to pay back our DEBT.
and that’s all we do
and that’s all we worry about
because we are told that if we don’t pay back our DEAD.
I mean our DEBT.
then we can’t do anything else in life.
she’s basically pissed about this.
because she thinks we can do this.
all of this
another freaking way.
like it’s much more simple.
We need food.
We need water.
We need shelter.
We need love.
It’s the stuff we learned about in kindergarten.
And we all learned it.
So we can all do it.
It’s called sharing.
And giving each other what we need.
By working with each other.
and gosh, food.
food is so good.
and even better when you share it.
she loves all this.
but she sucks a little because she is still stuck in the what is now.
so she gets held up a lot.
and she hurts her lover’s feelings.
and she hires interns because she needs help with time management.
even though she counsels on time management.
she worries about aging and cellulite on her upper arms.
she doesn’t give her loved ones enough attention.
and sometimes just likes staring out a train window.
or resting her eyes in the middle of the day.
because what is time.
she doesn’t know.
and then she feels bad for not doing.
and gets caught in power.
and caught in privilege.
because she wears a suit.
and likes to try formality.
and then sometimes the role of formality overpowers her brain.
it overpowers her brain.
and she ends up acting in certain ways.
even though she is thinking in certain ways.
and these ways contradict themselves.
and it sucks because she really just wants to be perfect.
she wants to be perfect.
but in a radical way.
and then she gets sucked into an irradical vision of perfection.
an irrational vision of perfection.
and then remembers that perfection doesn’t exist.
and then she feels dumb for striving for perfection.
because intellectually she knows that’s bullshit.
she’s caught in the system.
like her dad.
no one can see the way out.
she has moments of clarity.
and relies on young interns to remind her.
to remind her of her ideals.
and then she feels happy.
happy like squirting redi-whip into your mouth happy.
because it feels good.
it just feels good.
she thinks it feels good when you squirt redi-whip in your mouth.
like in an emotional way.